I Hate Women
by Molly Brodak
I love how they trip over floor mats
I love how they complain about being adored
I love how their fake tans rub off onto their white tube tops
I love how their knives are never sharp
I love how their skin is really soft under their chins
I love how they love fruit
I love how their feet grow back if you cut them off
I love how they don’t really write books
I love how they want divorces from their husbands
I love how they try to kill things with poison
I love how they invented emoticons
I love how their genes mutate
I love how they love rich fat alcoholics
I love how they are made out of darkness
I love how they look better with make up on
I love how they say things that end up etched on tombstones
I love how they bounce their knees when they dance
I love how they pretend love is the only real thing in the universe
I love how they will pressure you into having sex
I love how you can make fun of them and they laugh politely
I love how you can just cut their clitorises off
I love how you can just pick them up
I love how you can just look at them and feel hurt
I love how you can ask them to love you and they will
I love how you can’t tell when they’re being sarcastic
I love how you can cheat on them and they never find out
I love how you can pierce their cheeks
I love how you can smell it when they’re on their periods
I love how you can plant them in the ground
I love how you can teach them new languages
I love how you can tell them pornography is interesting and important
I love how you can’t ask them anything about diamonds
I love how you can crush their hopes
I love how leaves fall on them in movies
I love how things are tied tightly around their waists
I love how cops love their asses
I love how children trust them
I love how kitchens oppress them
I love how stupid they look when they smile
I love how coke goes up their noses
I love how they will definitely vomit on their crotches if a man asks them to
I love how they like plants and 2x4’s and sheep intestines
I love how they try really hard in auditions for musicals
I love how cancer always grows in their breasts
I love how everyone gives them everything and they waste it
I love how soap bubbles mystify them
I love how depression follows them around like a pet hole
I love how philosophy follows them around like a pet hole
I love how fat is distributed on their bodies
I love how men cut them open to remove their babies
I love how men think women hate women
I love how men feel up their skirts
I love how men thoughtfully review their novels and memoirs
I love how men can smother them with one hand
I love how men want to be their dads
I love how men want to feel how women feel
I love how men want goats to rape them
I love how men want to sell them new dinette sets
I love how men want them to cover up their disgusting bodies
I love how men want to marry them
I love how men find their earrings in their beds
I love how little dogs love them more than men or other women or their moms or dads, or husbands or sisters, more than anyone ever could, little dogs love them, more than anything in the world, little dogs love them.